Be The One

Be the one to stand up and make a difference

SCOTTSDALE INDEPENDENT Public Forum August 26, 2009 GUEST Commentary By Katey McPherson

If someone who saw it would have just said something — anything, a couple of words, a sentence — he might be here. If someone would have reached out to their parents, he might still be here. If someone had told him that he could talk to them, rely on them, that they would listen, he might still be here.

Ryan Halligan felt like he had no one, even though he had one of the most wonderful men in the world as a role model — his dad.

As a middle school educator, day in and day out, you see it all. The glares, the eye rolls, the exclusion — and it breaks your heart. You can instantly pick out the easy targets: the kids who walk with their eyes down, their posture a bit curved.

And then there are the aggressors. They seem to move in packs, with their following behind them. Same story, different era right? Probably, but times have changed in many ways. Aggressors are more aggressive, whether they are boys or girls. The speed of technology carries the word “loser” or “bitch” across a text message faster than I can say it.

After 13 years in education, I’ve realized there are always going to be bullies. There will also, unfortunately, always be a victim.

Let’s talk about the bystanders, the ones who are reading the horrible postings online, watching someone be bullied in the hallway, observing someone being shunned at the lunch table.

How can we get the bystanders to “be the one?” Be the one who says something that alerts someone, that reaches out and says, “That isn’t OK.”

The commitment that we make when we become parents is to protect, nurture and love. This is the same commitment we take as educators as we stand in your place and watch over your children while they are at school. We need to be more vigilant and not be too busy to take that extra step. We need to commit to following through with each and every report of disrespectful behavior.

This is a watchful time, a stressful time in our economy and world, and now more than ever we need to “be the ones” for our children. Take the time to listen to your kids. Take the time to get to know their friends, and more importantly, their friend’s parents and households.

Take the time to move the computer in your house to where the carpet is most worn. Search the history on your computer and make sure your children are safe. Participate in their world and, most importantly, don’t dismiss “drama” as not real.

Their perception is their reality. Ignoring the bully will not help because they will still be there tomorrow. Encourage your children to take care of their friends, to “be the one.” The one starts with you. Read Ryan Halligan’s story at ryansstory.org and please find your own way to “be the one.”

Editor’s note: Katey McPherson, a Mountainside Middle School counselor and founder of the Sharing Healthy Experiences Forum.